Everyone’s heard the same thing all before.
"You’re beautiful, inside and out."
"Stay true to yourself, you are the best you."
Etc., etc., etc.
When does it just get all exhausting? Hearing the same thing over and over and over again. It turns into cliche & people stop listening, stop believing. But no, they can’t do that. That can’t happen.
Because I have been tormented, and shattered and ripped apart by words, by people who think it’s funny. People who live behind screens, behind their friends. People who made me think I was nothing when I am something.Something bigger and better than what they were and what they will ever be.
I was made fun of for how I looked, how I talked, how my hair fell some days, how I dressed. I was called everything but Christian,
fat, ugly, whore, I would have names called after me every time I walked by people in the hallway. I lived my life being afraid of the bell that rang signaling class was over. I sulked, instead of standing up straight. I hid, instead of looking people in the eyes. I knew what crying yourself to sleep really meant.
And it wasn’t just tears I’d cry.
I stopped believing in everything, in my faith, in myself. I
hated God, I hated Him for what He was putting me through. I asked Him time after time why me, what had I done? I cleaned my room, I did my homework, I was nice to people. What had I done to be treated like this? Crying wasn’t the same anymore, it was never just tears. It was hope, faith, courage, strength all spilling out of me. I didn’t have anything anymore. Everything was gone.
I wanted peace with myself but instead I found the peace inside a blade. And it wasn’t just tears I’d cry. I harmed myself, blaming myself because I wasn’t perfect like everyone else. I didn’t have pretty eyes, a perfect smile, my teeth weren’t white, my body wasn’t skinny. I
hated myself. I felt hopeless. I was broken.
I was brokenbecause of people.
And I regret what people did to me. I regret that I made them satisfied. I regret that I lost myself because of them. I wish I didn’t have those scars. I wish I had trusted my God. I wish I had loved myself.
See, bullies thrives off of your reactions. Your reactions are their rewards and their prizes. They want you to fall apart. They want you to hurt. But no, they can’t do that. That can’t happen.
Wanna know why?
Because I am so damn tired of seeing people go through what I went through. I am so tired of young people dying, killing themselves because of people.
How does someone make another living being so broken down that the only option they think they have left is dying? Suicide is cowardly? Bullying is cowardly.Self-harm is stupid? Dehumanizing people to the point where they don’t want to be themselves anymore is stupid.
Every single person on this Earth from America to England to Asia should never feel like they are are a mistake. Everyone is beautiful.
To the crooked teeth, the extra pounds, the squintest eyes. It is all beautiful. I cannot stress that enough. And curse anyone who thinks differently. Never let anyone get inside and fondle with your thoughts. You DESERVE the right to be happy.
To those who are dealing with bullies right now, this second, do not give up. The world is complicated, and strange, and difficult but you are alive. And that makes the world so much better. So promise me that you will never forget your worth. Promise me that no matter what you go through you will stay strong. Because those people who are hurting you are hurting too. I won’t ask you to forgive them, maybe you could even find a way to help. But I’m asking you this, do not satisfy them. Do not let them win. You are extraordinary, brilliant, fantastic, amazing. You are more than what they say and always will be. Put down the razors, put down the pills, stop blaming yourself. Your life is NOT over yet. Be brave, oh so very brave.
And to my bullies and all the other ones too:
I hope that you all have a beautiful life, filled with happy moments and amazing times. I hope that you never have to go through what you put me through. And do you know what? I forgive each and every one of you. Because I feel so, so sorry for you. And I hope you all will find a way to forgive yourselves for how you have treated other people.
And I hope you remember me in 10-15 years when you’re wiping your child’s tears because of the same reason you made mine fall.
- Shelby Wright
Your life is worth more than you think.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline - 1-800-273-8255